Moving in together is an important step in a relationship. This can both bring the couple closer together and challenge their bond, so it’s important to know how they go about it.
On the face of it, the guy who made this Reddit post and his girlfriend aren’t exactly on the best path.
Using a now-deleted account, he explained that they couldn’t agree on most things regarding this decision and that they were fighting over their finances.
Stuck in the argument, he asked the famous ‘Am I the [Jerk]’ community to at least help him understand who is to blame here. Keep scrolling to read what he wrote.
This guy is on his way to becoming a pathologist and wants to live near the hospital where he is doing his residency
Image credits: Andrew Neel (not the actual photo)
However, he can’t really afford it and wants his girlfriend to pay most of the rent.
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anonymous
There is some truth in what the man says. National Bank of Canada experts agree that the 50/50 split works when both people earn more or less the same. If, however, there is a significant wage gap between them, the distribution of costs is more balanced if everyone contributes proportionally to their income.
The equation is quite simple: all you have to do is calculate what percentage of total household income is earned by each person, then apply that percentage to the total monthly budget.
Let’s take this hypothetical situation as an example: one of the spouses earns $75,000 a year and the other $25,000. The monthly family budget is $5,000. How do they split the expenses? The spouse who earns $75,000 transfers $3,750 to the joint account (75% of $5,000) and the other transfers the remaining $1,250 (25% of $5,000). Thus, each partner contributes to the shared expenses according to its financial capacity.
However, we do not know all the details of this particular relationship.
And there are many like them. 48% of Americans who are married or living with a partner say they argue with the person about money, according to a survey by The Cashlorette. Most of these fights are about spending habits: 60% said one person spends too much or the other is too cheap.
These conflicts can have serious consequences. In many cases, they are the number one predictor of whether or not to divorce, according to a study of more than 4,500 couples.
“Financial disagreements predicted divorce more strongly than other common issues like disagreements over household chores or time spent together,” the study authors concluded.
At least these people seem to be talking about it.
Moraya Seeger DeGeare, licensed marriage and family therapist and co-owner of BFF Therapy, said: “The goal for each of us is not to have a relationship that you don’t fight… the goal is really to be able to fight well and effectively and to feel that you are moving forward and that there is progress.
Dancing, according to DeGeare, provides a useful analogy for learning to fight. Each couple gets into fights that probably look pretty familiar to the couple – these fights are the same moves over and over, even though they’re different things. It’s like you’re dancing the same dance even though the song changes.
In order to fight well, you need to learn your “dance” steps when you’re not actually fighting. DeGeare suggests asking yourself: when are we stuck? What are these repeating patterns? Can we talk about it?
When you are fighting and in your feelings, pause and try to expose your vulnerability. For example, you can ask yourself: How am I feeling? What’s happening to me?
And instead of pointing out what the other person did wrong, say things like, “I’m really lonely and scared. I feel very disconnected from you. I miss you.”
This type of fight can create intimacy.
Most people thought he acted like a jerk
With some saying he’s not or they’re both to blame